I have this dream of being able to garden and be really good at it. I really enjoy the idea of being able to walk into the back yard, pick a cucumber, cut up some lettuce, and grab tomatoes for a salad. Or pick the tomatoes and prepare them for spaghetti sauce and salsa. In addition, I would love for all of my herbs to come from ?my garden? as well. In my dream of becoming a gardener, I think about how peaceful my mornings would be by going into my garden, pulling up the few weeds every day, watering the plants, and enjoying the bounty before me. I think about Emma and I working together in a garden and enjoying the conversation that comes from our labors. I think about the fruit trees that would be in the garden and enjoy the taste of an orange off a tree or a mango ready to drop. I have looked at books and magazines about the best way to be a Florida gardener, understanding the nature of the soil and sand, raised garden beds, joining community gardens, the timing of tilling the ground and preparing for planting and harvest?because as we know, gardening in Florida is different

than gardening anywhere else. When I think about my garden, I envision the time at the end of each season, preparing the ground for the next season, and thinking about how important it is to accept that the seasons change, the food is different each season, the ground needs to be nurtured, that plants die, and new growth from seeds and food will come. My garden that I think about creating is a place where I can experience God?s love for all of creation, where nurture and tending the ground leads to new life, and where death is a natural part of new beginnings, dreams, and plans for the future.

As I continue to dream about my garden, I remember the garden I had in West Virginia. I remember the work we put into making a beautiful and healthy garden. We created rain barrels that would naturally collect the rain water to help water the garden. We were beginning to figure out what it meant to compost by building a composting bin. I have always loved the idea of composting. So when I read this about composting in Jean Vanier?s book ?Life?s Great Questions,? I just loved his description. He said, ?I remember the farmers going out onto the slopes when the snow was gone. They wore great packs of cow manure and they would spread it on the ground, like butter on toast. They did it with such delicacy and respect, confident in the new life that would spring up from this waste. This is the wonder of compost. In the movement of life, even death is not wasted. The scraps and peelings, the rotten fruits,

the moldy bread, the parts of our food that in digestion have nothing more to offer our bodies in terms of energy or vitamins, the utter waste, gives life. Nothing is wasted?The mystery of compost should give us confidence to live experiences, to accept change, to risk loss and to be open to the movement of life. Today we have toilets. We send our garbage far away in great trucks. When we do something that is clearly wrong, we want to send it away to never see it, to forget about it. But the reality is that our growth comes from those experiences. We make mistakes, and we learn from them. We hurt others and we experience the wonderful gift of forgiveness, which can bring us into a deeper bonding with one another. When we have made a mistake, when we are living in a way that is not about growth, that is not about new life, we must have the confidence to leave this path. Then we must sort the rotten vegetables from the good and cut away the weeds, celebrating that the compost will bring nutrients to the new plants. Compost is internal to growth. Death is integral to life (Life?s Great Questions, pg 112-113).?

As I continue to think about my garden, I have always wanted to have a butterfly garden as well. When each year, seeing the caterpillars crawl towards the plants and see the cocoons attach to the milkweed and other butterfly friendly plants. Where we can watch the butterflies come back year after year. Butterflies have always brought me joy. A since of

peace, comfort, and life. Yet I understand for caterpillars to become butterflies, a metamorphosis takes place. In essence, they die to one form so they can grow into another. As I thought about this life and death piece, I was reminded of the writings from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She shares these words about the three stages of death. She says, ?the human body is identical to what happens when the butterfly emerges from its cocoon. The cocoon can be compared to the human body, but it is not identical with your real self for it is only a house to live in for a while. Dying is only moving from one house into a more beautiful one?As soon as the cocoon is in an irreparable condition?be it from suicide, murder, heart attack, or chronic disease, it doesn?t matter how it happened?it will release the butterfly, your soul so to speak. At this second stage, symbolically speaking, after the butterfly leaves its material body, you will experience some important things which you simply out to know in order not to be afraid of death anymore (On Life after Death, pg 3-4).?

I believe that these images and thoughts about different types of gardens lead us into thinking through what happens in death and after we die. Death is a hard topic to talk about. Especially as we feel in many ways that we start to get closer and closer to death.

As I have talked with different people this week about the sermon for today, one person said, ?What someone believes

about death sure says a great deal about their relationship, faith, and trust in God.? If we are afraid of death, then what could that say about our relationship with God? That really caused me to pause and think about what is my relationship like with God. Then when I was writing and preparing for this sermon at Barnes and Noble, I shared that I was a pastor and working on a sermon on death and dying. The gentleman had this huge grin on his face. You see, he was a retired Presbyterian pastor and has had an experience with death himself. He said about 20 years ago, he had a heart attack. He remembers being in the operating room and looking at his body as the doctors and nurses tried to bring him back to life. He remembered the staff, a nurse called code blue, people rushing in to save him, and deciding with ?the light? that it wasn?t time for him to go yet. He remembers waking up, smiling, and feeling fully alive, almost more alive than he had felt before. As we finished our conversation, he shared that he was finishing up a book about how children can do evangelism. He said he would be in contact soon. And I remember feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit surrounding my family as my dad took his last breath. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace as he moved from his earthly life to his eternal life. Death is integral to life.

Jesus says something similar when he tells of the story about the grain of wheat that falls to the ground. ?Now among those who went up to worship at the festival were some

Greeks. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and said to him, ?Sir, we wish to see Jesus.? Philip went and told Andrew; then Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus.

Jesus answered them, ?The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honor. ?Now my soul is troubled. And what should I say??Father, save me from this hour?? No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.? Then a voice came from heaven, ?I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again (John 12:20-28).?

There is something beautiful and mysterious about a single grain of wheat. It is so small, more fragile than a little stone, and just as inconspicuous. And yet there is so much life within it! But for that life to come forth, it must fall from its place among the other grains, fall from a great height, fall away from the sun into the cool and moist earth. There it will begin to disintegrate. But ever so delicately, ever so persistently, a shoot will grow, casting away the remains of what the grain once was, pushing through soil toward the warm promise of sunlight. And

from this grain that has died, from this small shoot that is changing and growing, will come a right harvest.

In this passage, we hear that ?Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.? Just like the word love in Greek has four different meanings, the word life in Greek has two different meanings in this passage. In the first use of the word life, it is the Greek word ?psuche? and is described as the animating soul, the energy which activates the world; it is connected to our compulsions and living without growing toward fulfillment. ?Zoe? is the Greek word for life in the second part of the sentence. ?Zoe? is growing to the fullness of life; it is plentitude; life eternal. So we could rewrite this scripture verse to say ?Those who love their compulsions and aren?t able to grow towards fulfillment lost it, and those who hate their compulsions in this world will keep it for fullness of life, plentitude, and life eternal.? So if we love our ?psuche,? if we are unwilling to break out of our animating routines and behaviors, if we hold onto our compulsions because we are afraid of the uncertainty of loss when we do not have them, we will loss the possibility of a plentitude beyond that which we can ask or imagine. If we relinquish our compulsions, if we reject them, we will become open for a life that is vital and fulfilling. The secret is accepting the loss of that which is familiar.

Many people throughout history have stood up for peace, love, justice and truth. Many of them realized that life does not end in death. Socrates said, ?Death is one of two things. Either it is annihilation, and the dead have not consciousness of anything, or?it is really a change?a migration of the soul from this place to another. Now if there is no consciousness but only a dreamless sleep, death must be a marvelous gain, (for I love to sleep)?If on the other hand death is a removal from here to some other place?beyond the reach of our so-called justice, one will find that there are true judges?and I should like to spend my time there.? Dietrich Bonhoeffer was hanged at the age of 39. According to tradition, his last words were, ?This is the end?for me the beginning.?

Yet if we back up a little in the scripture lesson to verse 20, we see that Jesus speaks about the grain of wheat in response to his disciples telling him that some Greeks have come to speak to him. This is a significant moment. It means that his signs, his teachings, and his witness have reached beyond the people of Israel, and there is a movement toward his revelation as the universal savior. It is a moment of opening up, a moment of accepting the movement of life that is far beyond his control. ?Now the hour has come,? he begins. Now that the Greeks have come, his mission is to unite humanity through love is very much in motion. Faced with this opening up, Jesus, who is human, experiences anguish, ?Now my soul is troubled.? But he

refuses to be afraid. ?And what should I say??Father, save me from this hour?? No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour.? Life is about being on the precipice, refusing to put up a wall for fear, but trusting in the movement of life that is ?more than we can ask or imagine.? At the beginning of the text, Jesus says, ?the hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.? Now he makes clear that this implies a complete loss of identity. ?Father, glorify your name!? It is only in the abandonment of himself that new life may be given.

You know, all of us will experience the loss that accompanies change and evolution. And all of us will die. So what happens when we die? Many of us have heard these words from Revelation 21:4- ?Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.? Jean Vanier shares these words and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross shares a similar sentiment. ?I believe we go into a sleep. And then there is an awakening in light. This light is so peaceful and so glorious that when we awake, it is an incredibly moment of rejoicing. Is this light God? We are not sure. Perhaps it is a reflection of God. After all, we are not quite ready for a face-to-face or a heart-to-heart encounter. But it is clear that we are welcome here, and we are not alone. There is the feeling of being wrapped up in something wonderfully cozy. There is a deep experience of inner peace. In the midst of that beauty, that relief and comfort, there is a question: What is

going to happen now? Perhaps because of this wondering, searching a little, there is the feeling that in this light, there is a presence. We catch a glimpse of a face. There is a meeting. It is not a union, but there is a relationship. God is not just this light, but a presence, a person. Suddenly I discover that I am loved by this person. Our desire becomes greater and greater, intensifying until suddenly the door opens or the veil drops away. We are in the arms of God, gathered right into the heart of the one who loves us and whom we love. The final division is overcome. The finite becomes infinite; the end becomes eternal. We become one with the one who is love, and in this unity we will continue to discover the beginning and end of all things, we will continue to discover the fruitfulness of our weakness. We will not be spectators; we will be actors in the drama of the infinite, life flowing from us in a glorious found of oneness, giving and receiving life in full (Life?s Great Questions, pg. 120-123).?

Throughout our lives, our bodies are changing and transforming. And for most of us, we don?t like how our bodies change over the years as we get older. Yet this is natural. I invite you to think this week about what your thoughts are about death. Are you afraid of death? Do you look forward to death? Are you in a place that you feel dead? Or do you feel alive? Do you feel loved? Or are you seeking something else? When you think of death, what comes to mind?

For me, I am going to think back to my desire to garden. To plant, to care, to nurture, to reap, to die, to begin again. When I think about this garden, I remember that love and nurture is integral to living and that death is integral to life. I pray that new life will come out of all signs of death, and that we can be part of sharing God?s love to bring new life into other people. Amen.

When I read those words that ?death is integral to life,? I sat in a place where I also believe that without love, death is constant. Since we talked about love last week, I was wondering what the connection to love and death would be. I picked up another book called ?On Life After Death? by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who is the author of ?On Death and Dying.? Dr Ross shares these words: ?Death is but a transition from this life to another existence where there is no pain and anguish. All the bitterness and disagreements will vanish, and the only thing that lives forever is love. So love each other now, for we never know how long we will be blessed with the presence of those who gave us life?not matter how imperfect many a parent has been (On Life after Death, pg 84.)? In another section of the book, she discussed more about love

and death, and continues the connection between love and death. ?God is unconditional love. During this review (which is a time had during an out of body experience) of your earthly life you will not blame God for your fate, but you will know that you yourself were your own worst enemy since you are now accusing yourself of having neglected so many opportunities to grow. Now you know that long ago when your house burned down, when your child died, when your husband hurt himself, or when you yourself suffered a heart attack, all fatal blows were merely some of the many possibilities for your to grow: to grow in understanding, to grow in love, to grow in all those things which we still have to learn. ?And instead of using those opportunities wisely,? you will repent now, ?with every blow I became more and more embittered in such a way that my rage and my negativity grew??

Death is not the end of everything, for from the greatest of all composts, death, will arise a new life.